The first show of the new era opens with an extra big pyro display. We also have a new set! The first man out is, appropriately, IFW chairman Vince McMahon. He looks around his IFW universe and swaggers down to the ring where a microphone is handed to him.
McMahon: "I gotta be honest with all of you. This last week has been the longest week of my life!"
Ahem. Yeah...
McMahon: "As many of you are aware, a lot has happened in the last seven days. The contracts of many of our IFW superstars expired, and we couldn't come to terms on the re-signings of all of them. We did, however, manage to scoop many top level free agents! So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to the new IFW general manager...the Nature Boy, Ric Flair!"
Woooo! - Flair struts out to the stage, walks back and forth running his fingers through his thinning white hair, wooing and shuffling like he does, and eventually reaches Vince in the ring. McMahon offers a handshake, but Flair gives him a big hug instead.
McMahon: "Ric, allow me to welc-" Flair: "Wooooooooo! Wooo! Woo - woo - woo - woo - wwwwwwwwooooooooooooo!"
Flair whips his jacket to the canvas, hits the ropes and drops a big elbow onto it.
Flair: "Woooooo!" McMahon: "Yes Ric, it is great to be ba-" Flair: "McMahon! Putting me in charge of this ship was the best decision you ever made." McMahon: "I sure hope tha-" Flair: "You know why?! Because I - wooo! - I love this place and there are a few things I've been wanting to clean up for a loooong time." McMahon: "Well now's your chance Ric-" Flair: "First of all, Ken Anderson is fired! Woo! Fired! Outta here!" McMahon: "Actually Ric, his contract expired last we-" Flair: "Secondly! I don't like how the...Vince, do you mind? I'm trying to work here."
Flair gives McMahon a stare until the boss agrees to leave the ring. He waits for Vince to disappear back behind the curtain before continuing.
Flair: "Secondly, I was backstage last week watching that sorry excuse for a silver championship match between Paul London and Ezekiel Jackson, and it made me sick. Brian Kendrick running in, Kofi Kingston running in, a disqualification finish?! Not anymore. I'm ordering a rematch, for the title, right here, tonight! But before we get that match underway, I have a very special announcement to make. We were going to wait a few more weeks, but now the Nature Boy is in charge, we're not waiting for anything! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the newest addition to the IFW roster...John Cena!"
Cena's theme hits, I groan in despair, and the man himself runs out to the stage all awkwardly. He stops and turns to the stage cameraman.
Cena: "So this is what it's like in the IFW arena! Pretty nice!"
Cena sprints down to the ring and slides in. He goes to shake Flair's hand but Flair gives him a big hug too, then hands his mic over and leaves. Cena looks around with that smug look.
Cena: "Wow. You know, I never thought I would actually make it here, but...here I am! The premier wrestling company in the industry today. I've been to a lot of places over the last few years and wrestled for a lot of world titles, but every time I did I had that same feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is nice, but this isn't IFW. IFW is where you go if you want to be the absolute best in the world, and that is why I'm here tonight. Allow me to officially make my intentions clear, my intention to challenge Kurt Angle, beat Kurt Angle, and become the new IFW champion!"
Ba badalaba, ba badalaba. Cena is cut off before he can go annoyingly long by none other than long-time rival CM Punk. He slowly plods out to the stage in a hoodie, looking scruffy as ever.
Punk: "No. Just no. I'm not having this. I will not sit back there and let you do here what you did to WWE. You are not going to be the man here Cena. You are not going to establish that routine where you walk into title shot after title shot, chance after chance, opportunity after opportunity to succeed, to main event every pay per view, to work with every special attraction. I will not let you be the golden boy anymore Cena. You will not hold everybody else down and then have the audacity to say we're not working hard enough. Let me make one thing clear Cena. I have been working too damn hard for too damn long, proving myself to be your 'absolute best in the world,' to let you or anybody else walk on in here and take my spot. Tonight, Kurt Angle defends the IFW championship against Randy Orton, but from this point on nobody gets a title shot before I do. If you want that belt, you don't go through Angle and you don't go through Orton. You go through me."
Punk drops the mic, and with the moment ruined he leaves the arena. Cena looks as though he realises IFW may not be as easy to dominate as WWE was, but you know that won't stop him from trying.
We cut to the new announce team now, Jim Ross and Taz.
JR: "Well, you heard him folks! John Cena is going after the IFW championship, but he's going to have to go through CM Punk." Taz: "That remains to be seen JR. The title isn't Punk's right now, it's Kurt Angle's. And tonight Kurt puts it on the line against the viper, Randy Orton."
A graphic is shown for the main event.
JR: "Well Taz, I have to say it's great to be back here at the IFW announce booth, and it's my pleasure to welcome you." Taz: "Thank you JR, It's great to be here. Like Cena said, this is the company you go to if you want to be the best, and I intend to live up to that too. But I gotta ask you something...when are the knockouts getting out here?!" JR: "It's like the King never left."
Ezekiel Jackson's music hits, bringing the undefeated Guyanese Goliath out to the ring. He roars at the hard camera while flexing and looks pretty intimidating. He's soon joined by silver champion Paul London, who sprints down the ramp and slides across the canvas. He takes the belt off and hands it to the referee, then squares up against Jackson showing he's not afraid of a little ass kicking.
Match 1 - Paul London v Ezekiel Jackson: Silver championship - London wants to keep the pace up, firing off leg kicks to limit Jackson's movement, and does well for the first minute or so. Jackson catches London off a springboard crossbody though, and the beating begins. London takes a whooping all over the ring, being thrown around and squashed in the corners. Jackson charges London to splash him in another corner, but London nimbly jumps and spins between the ropes onto the apron, then springs up to the top rope as Jackson crashes and stumbles back. London comes off the top with a mushroom stomp to the upper back and heads right back up to a second turnbuckle. Jackson lays prone for the 450, but gets the knees up as London hits. London is hurting, and staggers clutching at his ribs right into the waiting giant's uranage slam, the book of Ezekiel. Jackson covers for the one, two, three! - Ezekiel Jackson wins to become new silver champion.
The undefeated streak continues, and brings the big man a title too! Jackson does another flex 'n' yell to the camera, then notices someone on the stage. It's David Otunga, who is just watching on. Otunga gives Jackson a subtle look like he's impressed, then turns and leaves. Weird.
Backstage, Jeremy Borash is in his interview area with the shaman of sexy, John Morrison. Morrison is wearing his shades and has his nose in the air.
JB: "Ladies and gentleman, my guest at this time is John Morrison." Morrison: "Say it right." JB: "Excuse me?" Morrison: "You forgot my title." JB: "The shaman of sexy, John Morrison." Morrison: "Other one." JB: "The guru of greatness, John Morrison." Morrison: "Other one." JB: "The Friday night delight, John Morrison." Morrison: "I'm a delight every night. Other one." JB: "The prince of parkour?" Morrison: "Are you really that stupid, JB? Do I have to hit you with this case for you to get it?" JB: "My apologies. Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time is Mr Money In The Bank, John Morrison." Morrison: "That's more like it. JB, my time is precious and you're wasting it. Either ask me a question or stand back and let these people gaze upon the abs of a God without your face distracting them." JB: "Well John, this is the first night of a new era in IFW. What are your goals?" Morrison: "You'll like this answer JB because it's just like you - simple. As you know, I only care about three things in this existence. Number one, John Morrison. Number two, my LA woman, Melina. And number three, this money in the bank briefcase. My goals are to get Melina back on her feet after her brutal assault at the delicate, dainty hands of the Nexettes, and to cash this in to become the next IFW champion. Because JB, I promise you and I promise the world, you will see the shaman of sexy standing in that ring with the sexiest diva in history on one arm, and the only championship that matters on the other. And that JB, is money in the bank."
Back to the ring now, where the IFW tag team champions Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are waiting. Their open challenges seem to have come to an end as they have microphones instead of waiting for opponents.
Haas: "For the past five months we have knocked back each and every challenge we have faced. And that doesn't mean five pay per views, no. That means twenty weeks." Benjamin: "We call ourselves the World's Greatest Tag Team for a reason. It's simple...we are the world's greatest tag team. And we don't just say it, we prove it. We've beaten the Hart Dynasty..." Haas: "The HeartBreak Krew..." Benjamin: "The Outsiders..." Haas: "Legacy..." Benjamin: "The Mexicools..." Haas: "Truth & Consequences..." Benjamin: "The bWo..." Haas: "The New Ministry..." Benjamin: "Suicide & Hurricane..."
Before they can finish their list, the music of the Heatseekers hits and out stroll Curt Hawkins and Lance Archer to rain on some more parades.
Hawkins: "Yeah yeah yeah, we saw. We were watching from the back, every week when you turned back a couple of no namers. I mean, seriously? The Usos? The Old Age Outlaws? La Resistance? The Corre? Don't make me laugh. But Charlie, I don't know why you think you have to prove you're a great wrestler. If there's one thing we all know about Charlie Haas it's that he's a great wrestler, right Lance?" Archer: "That, and that he can't get over without Shelton. Or Rico." Hawkins: "Yeah, or that hot wife of yours. Jackie, right? Are you still hitting that, or is she available now? Hell, don't answer that, I'd do it anyway."
Haas is getting pissed.
Hawkins: "And Shelton, I love your work in the ring. Just do us all a favour and never touch another microphone, would you? I mean, how can someone be so awkward talking to loser wrestling fans when he used to be so charismatic singing the Thong Song?"
Shelton has heard it all before, which kinda makes it worse. He's also getting pissed.
Hawkins: "Look, basically what I'm saying is that there ain't no stopping you because you ain't been challenged by anyone good enough yet. That doesn't mean you can't be stopped." Benjamin: "What are you waiting for then? We issue open challenges, doofus!" Hawkins: "We're waiting for a week when we aren't already booked, doofus. Now get out of the ring and watch a real tag team take care of business."
The Heatseekers head down the ramp, but don't get into the ring until Haas and Benjamin get out. When they're inside, Latin music hits to bring Primo and Epico Colón out, led by the stunning Rrrrrrosa Mendes. Rosa does her awesome little dance down the ramp and then again on the apron.
Taz: "Oh yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! Why has it taken so long for Rosa to get out here? Rosa! Hey Rosa! Why don't you come dance on our table?"
Match 2 - Heatseekers v Los Colóns (w/ Rosa Mendes): - Short match, pretty much a squash. Hawkins outworks Epico, but finds himself on the receiving end of some well-practiced double team moves when the tags start flying. Hawkins makes the diving tag to Archer who dominates both Colóns, knocking Primo to the outside and finishes Epico with the blackout powerbomb. - Heatseekers win.
The Heatseekers have their hands raised, and make sure the champs are watching. They are.
We quickly cut backstage where a group of EMTs are crowded around a couple of broken tables and the bodies of the Dudebusters, Caylen Croft and Trent Barreta.
When we get back to the ring, the Black Pope D'Angelo Dinero is on his way out. He pauses on the ramp and Dinero dollaz fall from the sky. He gets to the ring and takes off his coat, head scarf, glasses, mask and medallion. This guy makes an entrance. Next out are the brothers from the barrio, Hunico and Camacho on a gold bicycle. Hunico says a load of stuff in Spanish that I can't possibly transcribe.
Match 3 - D'Angelo Dinero v Camacho (w/ Hunico): - Another fairly short squash match. Dinero starts off strong, is cut off by Hunico allowing the big man to get in some token offence, but in the end Dinero is too good for him and ends up taking him out with two DDE running knee strikes. - D'Angelo Dinero wins.
Backstage Ezekiel Jackson is heading out of the arena with his bag and his new belt, when he's stopped by resident neighbourhoodie JTG.
JTG: "Yo yo yo yo! Big Zeke! How's it hangin' big dog?" Jackson: "What do you want, J?" JTG: "Ouch, homie! I just noticed you gots yourself some new bling there, playa!" Jackson: "Yes. I won the championship. I'm going out to celebrate. Now if you'll excuse me..." JTG: "Hey, hey, what's the hurry, man? Can I, uh...have myself a little look?" Jackson: "You can see it. It's on my shoulder." JTG: "Oh nah man, I mean really see it. You know, hold it." Jackson: "Don't take this personally J, but I find it hard to trust a man who spent so many years committing 'crymes'. I won't be letting you hold my belt." JTG: "Brother, please! All that's behind me, I've gone legit! I just want to take a look at what I'm working for now. One of these days I'm going to be challenging you Zeke, and not only taking that belt from you, but also ending that streak."
Jackson seems to be endeared by the young jobber's enthusiasm, and takes enough pity on him to let him hold the belt for a bit.
JTG: "Hey man, this is nice. Heavy. Gotta be worth some serious cheese, am I right?" Jackson: "I don't know. But it's very important to- Hey!"
JTG sprints off with the belt. Obviously.
JTG: "It's cryme tyme, bitch!"
Jackson chases for ten or twenty metres, but JTG is just too fast. He yells in frustration.
Back in the ring, womens champion AJ Lee leads the Nexettes down the ramp, but they're two girls short. AJ has Naomi Knight, Aksana and Kaitlyn with her, but no Maxine and no Jamie.
AJ: "As you may have noticed, Maxine and Jamie Keyes are no longer with us. I won't go into details, I'll just say that things weren't working out so they had to be eliminated. Because that is what we do. We, the Nexettes, take what we want at any cost. Just ask Beth Phoenix. Just ask Melina. Ask Jillian Hall or Roxxi Laveaux. Anyone who tries to take my womens championship from me will be eliminated. We are the Nexettes. Resistance is futile."
Just as AJ finishes, Gail Kim's music hits.
Gail: "AJ, you're in less of a position to brag now than you were before. You're two girls down, and it just so happens that we're two girls up. Taeler, Ivie, come on out here!"
TNA's Gut Check knockouts Taeler Hendrix and Ivelisse Velez come out to stand either side of Gail.
Gail: "So. Your team is weakened and mine is strengthened. Now before you make your next move, think very carefully. You could hand that title over and walk away, or we could do to you what you've been doing to us. It's your choice AJ, but I would love it if you chose the second." AJ: "Gail Gail Gail. When will you learn? I told you resistance is futile, and yet you keep resisting. I am the womens champion, and that is not going to change." Gail: "Great, I was hoping you'd say that. How about I bring my girls down there and we have outselves a little six diva tag?" AJ: "And I was hoping you'd say that! Kaitlyn, Naomi, you're with me. Aksana, block the entrance ramp and make sure no one gets down here."
Match 4 - Nexettes v Gail Kim, Evelisse Velez & Taeler Hendrix: - Gail starts off against Kaitlyn and gets the better of her, taking her down and outwrestling her at every step. Kailtyn tags Naomi in and Gail holds her own against the athletic powerhouse, but is starting to tire. She hits Naomi with a big knee lift that sends her staggering, which is when AJ and Kaitlyn get into the ring to back Naomi up. This brings Evelisse and Taeler in too, all six women staring each other down. Gail issues the order to attack, but they don't move. AJ smiles sweetly, and Gail's face falls. She knows she's been set up. Taeler and Ivelisse attack Gail, beating her down and then hold her up by the arms so Naomi can hit the Knightmare neckbreaker for the win. - Nexettes win.
The Nexettes gather around the fallen leader of the IFW divas, AJ tells Naomi and Kaitlyn to get the steel steps so they can take Gail out with their signature knee crusher. Suddenly Layla and the Bella Twins sprint down the ramp and knock Aksana to the ground, then lay Naomi and Kaitlyn out by bonking their heads on the steps. They roll into the ring to make the save, and the remaining Nexettes bail. Layla shouts back at AJ, but they're already deep into the audience.
Backstage, Jeremy Borash is set for his second interview of the night.
JB: "Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time is CM Punk. Mr Punk, you were very outspoken tonight about the debuting John Cena's intention to win the IFW championship. Is this related to your long standing rivalry with Cena, or are you completely focused on the championship?" Punk: "Outspoken? Why is it always outspoken? Why am I always being called outspoken or controversial or opinionated? I'm none of those things, JB. I just tell the truth, whether you, John Cena and Vince McMahon like to hear it or not. No, this is nothing to do with my history with Cena. I'll make it clear, I hate John Cena and I don't want him in my IFW, but if he's going to be here the least he could do is show a little common courtesy and respect the natural order of things around here. I am the rightful contender for the title and if anyone thinks they can jump ahead of me they're wrong, even if their name is John Cena." JB: "Have you been told by Vince McMahon or new general manager Ric Flair that you're in line for title shot?" Punk: "What do you think JB? Of course I haven't. Because the people who run this place are completely incompetent. If they weren't, we wouldn't be talking about John Cena right now. The man was past his prime in 2006, what he's doing here tonight is beyond me. No, I'm next in line just because I am. I beat Kurt Angle, something only two other men can claim to have done, and neither of them are here right now. I am the contender because I am the best, and I am the best because I win. When Cena beats me he can be the best, but until then no one gets a shot until I do. Tweet that."
Punk leaves.
Back to the arena for the last time tonight as it's time for our main event! Randy Orton is first out and looks to be focused and ready for the challenge. He reaches the ring and poses on the turnbuckles. Kurt Angle rises up through the stage with the US flag draped over his shoulders. He hold it out and pyro shoots up, the lights raise to show Angle with the IFW title belt around his waist, just as ready for this match as Orton is. When Angle reaches the ring the two warriors face off, not trash talking out of respect for each other and the championship.
Match 5 - Kurt Angle v Randy Orton: IFW championship - The men lock up and roll around the ropes jockeying for position. Angle takes the advantage and wrestles Orton to the mat, holding him there and schooling him. They go back and forth with simple moves to start, but things quickly escalate. Orton counters a German suplex into his backbreaker for a two count. Orton stalks Angle, but the wily veteran hits the drop toe hold into the ankle lock. Orton struggles to reach the ropes, but Angle drags him back to the middle. Orton rolls under, flipping Angle into the turnbuckles. Orton whips Angle to the ropes, Angle reverses, Orton ducks a clothesline and hits Angle with the snap powerslam, then hammers the canvas setting up the RKO. Angle pushes to his feet and turns, but turns the RKO into a German suplex, then a second and a third. The straps come down and Angle picks the left foot, but Orton kicks him away into the corner. Orton backs up to charge Angle, who steps forward and flips Orton over with a quick belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Both men are down when the lights cut out.
JR: "What the hell?" Taz: "What's going on here?" JR: "I don't...I don't know! Someone get the damn lights!"
When the lights come back up, Angle and Orton are on their feet but are surrounded by three men in black bulletproof vests. Angle charges the big man and is knocked down. - Kurt Angle wins by disqualification to retain the IFW championship.
Orton trades right hands with another one of the men, but the third jumps in and soon Orton is down too. Both men are stomped into the canvas.
JR: "No! I know these men! That's Dean Ambrose! And...Roman Reigns!" Taz: "You do?" JR: "And Seth Rollins! Damnit! Someone get out here to stop these men!"
Rollins and Ambrose pick Orton up and put him on Reigns' shoulders, then the three men deliver a triple powerbomb. Then they repeat the process with Kurt Angle. Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns stand tall over the fallen champion and challenger as the show goes off the air.
The first show of the new era opens with an extra big pyro display. We also have a new set! The first man out is, appropriately, IFW chairman Vince McMahon. He looks around his IFW universe and swaggers down to the ring where a microphone is handed to him.
McMahon: "I gotta be honest with all of you. This last week has been the longest week of my life!"
Ahem. Yeah...
McMahon: "As many of you are aware, a lot has happened in the last seven days. The contracts of many of our IFW superstars expired, and we couldn't come to terms on the re-signings of all of them. We did, however, manage to scoop many top level free agents! So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to the new IFW general manager...the Nature Boy, Ric Flair!"
Woooo! - Flair struts out to the stage, walks back and forth running his fingers through his thinning white hair, wooing and shuffling like he does, and eventually reaches Vince in the ring. McMahon offers a handshake, but Flair gives him a big hug instead.
McMahon: "Ric, allow me to welc-"
Flair: "Wooooooooo! Wooo! Woo - woo - woo - woo - wwwwwwwwooooooooooooo!"
Flair whips his jacket to the canvas, hits the ropes and drops a big elbow onto it.
Flair: "Woooooo!"
McMahon: "Yes Ric, it is great to be ba-"
Flair: "McMahon! Putting me in charge of this ship was the best decision you ever made."
McMahon: "I sure hope tha-"
Flair: "You know why?! Because I - wooo! - I love this place and there are a few things I've been wanting to clean up for a loooong time."
McMahon: "Well now's your chance Ric-"
Flair: "First of all, Ken Anderson is fired! Woo! Fired! Outta here!"
McMahon: "Actually Ric, his contract expired last we-"
Flair: "Secondly! I don't like how the...Vince, do you mind? I'm trying to work here."
Flair gives McMahon a stare until the boss agrees to leave the ring. He waits for Vince to disappear back behind the curtain before continuing.
Flair: "Secondly, I was backstage last week watching that sorry excuse for a silver championship match between Paul London and Ezekiel Jackson, and it made me sick. Brian Kendrick running in, Kofi Kingston running in, a disqualification finish?! Not anymore. I'm ordering a rematch, for the title, right here, tonight! But before we get that match underway, I have a very special announcement to make. We were going to wait a few more weeks, but now the Nature Boy is in charge, we're not waiting for anything! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the newest addition to the IFW roster...John Cena!"
Cena's theme hits, I groan in despair, and the man himself runs out to the stage all awkwardly. He stops and turns to the stage cameraman.
Cena: "So this is what it's like in the IFW arena! Pretty nice!"
Cena sprints down to the ring and slides in. He goes to shake Flair's hand but Flair gives him a big hug too, then hands his mic over and leaves. Cena looks around with that smug look.
Cena: "Wow. You know, I never thought I would actually make it here, but...here I am! The premier wrestling company in the industry today. I've been to a lot of places over the last few years and wrestled for a lot of world titles, but every time I did I had that same feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is nice, but this isn't IFW. IFW is where you go if you want to be the absolute best in the world, and that is why I'm here tonight. Allow me to officially make my intentions clear, my intention to challenge Kurt Angle, beat Kurt Angle, and become the new IFW champion!"
Ba badalaba, ba badalaba. Cena is cut off before he can go annoyingly long by none other than long-time rival CM Punk. He slowly plods out to the stage in a hoodie, looking scruffy as ever.
Punk: "No. Just no. I'm not having this. I will not sit back there and let you do here what you did to WWE. You are not going to be the man here Cena. You are not going to establish that routine where you walk into title shot after title shot, chance after chance, opportunity after opportunity to succeed, to main event every pay per view, to work with every special attraction. I will not let you be the golden boy anymore Cena. You will not hold everybody else down and then have the audacity to say we're not working hard enough. Let me make one thing clear Cena. I have been working too damn hard for too damn long, proving myself to be your 'absolute best in the world,' to let you or anybody else walk on in here and take my spot. Tonight, Kurt Angle defends the IFW championship against Randy Orton, but from this point on nobody gets a title shot before I do. If you want that belt, you don't go through Angle and you don't go through Orton. You go through me."
Punk drops the mic, and with the moment ruined he leaves the arena. Cena looks as though he realises IFW may not be as easy to dominate as WWE was, but you know that won't stop him from trying.
We cut to the new announce team now, Jim Ross and Taz.
JR: "Well, you heard him folks! John Cena is going after the IFW championship, but he's going to have to go through CM Punk."
Taz: "That remains to be seen JR. The title isn't Punk's right now, it's Kurt Angle's. And tonight Kurt puts it on the line against the viper, Randy Orton."
A graphic is shown for the main event.
JR: "Well Taz, I have to say it's great to be back here at the IFW announce booth, and it's my pleasure to welcome you."
Taz: "Thank you JR, It's great to be here. Like Cena said, this is the company you go to if you want to be the best, and I intend to live up to that too. But I gotta ask you something...when are the knockouts getting out here?!"
JR: "It's like the King never left."
Ezekiel Jackson's music hits, bringing the undefeated Guyanese Goliath out to the ring. He roars at the hard camera while flexing and looks pretty intimidating. He's soon joined by silver champion Paul London, who sprints down the ramp and slides across the canvas. He takes the belt off and hands it to the referee, then squares up against Jackson showing he's not afraid of a little ass kicking.
Match 1 - Paul London v Ezekiel Jackson:
Silver championship
- London wants to keep the pace up, firing off leg kicks to limit Jackson's movement, and does well for the first minute or so. Jackson catches London off a springboard crossbody though, and the beating begins. London takes a whooping all over the ring, being thrown around and squashed in the corners. Jackson charges London to splash him in another corner, but London nimbly jumps and spins between the ropes onto the apron, then springs up to the top rope as Jackson crashes and stumbles back. London comes off the top with a mushroom stomp to the upper back and heads right back up to a second turnbuckle. Jackson lays prone for the 450, but gets the knees up as London hits. London is hurting, and staggers clutching at his ribs right into the waiting giant's uranage slam, the book of Ezekiel. Jackson covers for the one, two, three!
- Ezekiel Jackson wins to become new silver champion.
The undefeated streak continues, and brings the big man a title too! Jackson does another flex 'n' yell to the camera, then notices someone on the stage. It's David Otunga, who is just watching on. Otunga gives Jackson a subtle look like he's impressed, then turns and leaves. Weird.
Backstage, Jeremy Borash is in his interview area with the shaman of sexy, John Morrison. Morrison is wearing his shades and has his nose in the air.
JB: "Ladies and gentleman, my guest at this time is John Morrison."
Morrison: "Say it right."
JB: "Excuse me?"
Morrison: "You forgot my title."
JB: "The shaman of sexy, John Morrison."
Morrison: "Other one."
JB: "The guru of greatness, John Morrison."
Morrison: "Other one."
JB: "The Friday night delight, John Morrison."
Morrison: "I'm a delight every night. Other one."
JB: "The prince of parkour?"
Morrison: "Are you really that stupid, JB? Do I have to hit you with this case for you to get it?"
JB: "My apologies. Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time is Mr Money In The Bank, John Morrison."
Morrison: "That's more like it. JB, my time is precious and you're wasting it. Either ask me a question or stand back and let these people gaze upon the abs of a God without your face distracting them."
JB: "Well John, this is the first night of a new era in IFW. What are your goals?"
Morrison: "You'll like this answer JB because it's just like you - simple. As you know, I only care about three things in this existence. Number one, John Morrison. Number two, my LA woman, Melina. And number three, this money in the bank briefcase. My goals are to get Melina back on her feet after her brutal assault at the delicate, dainty hands of the Nexettes, and to cash this in to become the next IFW champion. Because JB, I promise you and I promise the world, you will see the shaman of sexy standing in that ring with the sexiest diva in history on one arm, and the only championship that matters on the other. And that JB, is money in the bank."
Back to the ring now, where the IFW tag team champions Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are waiting. Their open challenges seem to have come to an end as they have microphones instead of waiting for opponents.
Haas: "For the past five months we have knocked back each and every challenge we have faced. And that doesn't mean five pay per views, no. That means twenty weeks."
Benjamin: "We call ourselves the World's Greatest Tag Team for a reason. It's simple...we are the world's greatest tag team. And we don't just say it, we prove it. We've beaten the Hart Dynasty..."
Haas: "The HeartBreak Krew..."
Benjamin: "The Outsiders..."
Haas: "Legacy..."
Benjamin: "The Mexicools..."
Haas: "Truth & Consequences..."
Benjamin: "The bWo..."
Haas: "The New Ministry..."
Benjamin: "Suicide & Hurricane..."
Before they can finish their list, the music of the Heatseekers hits and out stroll Curt Hawkins and Lance Archer to rain on some more parades.
Hawkins: "Yeah yeah yeah, we saw. We were watching from the back, every week when you turned back a couple of no namers. I mean, seriously? The Usos? The Old Age Outlaws? La Resistance? The Corre? Don't make me laugh. But Charlie, I don't know why you think you have to prove you're a great wrestler. If there's one thing we all know about Charlie Haas it's that he's a great wrestler, right Lance?"
Archer: "That, and that he can't get over without Shelton. Or Rico."
Hawkins: "Yeah, or that hot wife of yours. Jackie, right? Are you still hitting that, or is she available now? Hell, don't answer that, I'd do it anyway."
Haas is getting pissed.
Hawkins: "And Shelton, I love your work in the ring. Just do us all a favour and never touch another microphone, would you? I mean, how can someone be so awkward talking to loser wrestling fans when he used to be so charismatic singing the Thong Song?"
Shelton has heard it all before, which kinda makes it worse. He's also getting pissed.
Hawkins: "Look, basically what I'm saying is that there ain't no stopping you because you ain't been challenged by anyone good enough yet. That doesn't mean you can't be stopped."
Benjamin: "What are you waiting for then? We issue open challenges, doofus!"
Hawkins: "We're waiting for a week when we aren't already booked, doofus. Now get out of the ring and watch a real tag team take care of business."
The Heatseekers head down the ramp, but don't get into the ring until Haas and Benjamin get out. When they're inside, Latin music hits to bring Primo and Epico Colón out, led by the stunning Rrrrrrosa Mendes. Rosa does her awesome little dance down the ramp and then again on the apron.
Taz: "Oh yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! Why has it taken so long for Rosa to get out here? Rosa! Hey Rosa! Why don't you come dance on our table?"
Match 2 - Heatseekers v Los Colóns (w/ Rosa Mendes):
- Short match, pretty much a squash. Hawkins outworks Epico, but finds himself on the receiving end of some well-practiced double team moves when the tags start flying. Hawkins makes the diving tag to Archer who dominates both Colóns, knocking Primo to the outside and finishes Epico with the blackout powerbomb.
- Heatseekers win.
The Heatseekers have their hands raised, and make sure the champs are watching. They are.
We quickly cut backstage where a group of EMTs are crowded around a couple of broken tables and the bodies of the Dudebusters, Caylen Croft and Trent Barreta.
When we get back to the ring, the Black Pope D'Angelo Dinero is on his way out. He pauses on the ramp and Dinero dollaz fall from the sky. He gets to the ring and takes off his coat, head scarf, glasses, mask and medallion. This guy makes an entrance. Next out are the brothers from the barrio, Hunico and Camacho on a gold bicycle. Hunico says a load of stuff in Spanish that I can't possibly transcribe.
Match 3 - D'Angelo Dinero v Camacho (w/ Hunico):
- Another fairly short squash match. Dinero starts off strong, is cut off by Hunico allowing the big man to get in some token offence, but in the end Dinero is too good for him and ends up taking him out with two DDE running knee strikes.
- D'Angelo Dinero wins.
Backstage Ezekiel Jackson is heading out of the arena with his bag and his new belt, when he's stopped by resident neighbourhoodie JTG.
JTG: "Yo yo yo yo! Big Zeke! How's it hangin' big dog?"
Jackson: "What do you want, J?"
JTG: "Ouch, homie! I just noticed you gots yourself some new bling there, playa!"
Jackson: "Yes. I won the championship. I'm going out to celebrate. Now if you'll excuse me..."
JTG: "Hey, hey, what's the hurry, man? Can I, uh...have myself a little look?"
Jackson: "You can see it. It's on my shoulder."
JTG: "Oh nah man, I mean really see it. You know, hold it."
Jackson: "Don't take this personally J, but I find it hard to trust a man who spent so many years committing 'crymes'. I won't be letting you hold my belt."
JTG: "Brother, please! All that's behind me, I've gone legit! I just want to take a look at what I'm working for now. One of these days I'm going to be challenging you Zeke, and not only taking that belt from you, but also ending that streak."
Jackson seems to be endeared by the young jobber's enthusiasm, and takes enough pity on him to let him hold the belt for a bit.
JTG: "Hey man, this is nice. Heavy. Gotta be worth some serious cheese, am I right?"
Jackson: "I don't know. But it's very important to- Hey!"
JTG sprints off with the belt. Obviously.
JTG: "It's cryme tyme, bitch!"
Jackson chases for ten or twenty metres, but JTG is just too fast. He yells in frustration.
Back in the ring, womens champion AJ Lee leads the Nexettes down the ramp, but they're two girls short. AJ has Naomi Knight, Aksana and Kaitlyn with her, but no Maxine and no Jamie.
AJ: "As you may have noticed, Maxine and Jamie Keyes are no longer with us. I won't go into details, I'll just say that things weren't working out so they had to be eliminated. Because that is what we do. We, the Nexettes, take what we want at any cost. Just ask Beth Phoenix. Just ask Melina. Ask Jillian Hall or Roxxi Laveaux. Anyone who tries to take my womens championship from me will be eliminated. We are the Nexettes. Resistance is futile."
Just as AJ finishes, Gail Kim's music hits.
Gail: "AJ, you're in less of a position to brag now than you were before. You're two girls down, and it just so happens that we're two girls up. Taeler, Ivie, come on out here!"
TNA's Gut Check knockouts Taeler Hendrix and Ivelisse Velez come out to stand either side of Gail.
Gail: "So. Your team is weakened and mine is strengthened. Now before you make your next move, think very carefully. You could hand that title over and walk away, or we could do to you what you've been doing to us. It's your choice AJ, but I would love it if you chose the second."
AJ: "Gail Gail Gail. When will you learn? I told you resistance is futile, and yet you keep resisting. I am the womens champion, and that is not going to change."
Gail: "Great, I was hoping you'd say that. How about I bring my girls down there and we have outselves a little six diva tag?"
AJ: "And I was hoping you'd say that! Kaitlyn, Naomi, you're with me. Aksana, block the entrance ramp and make sure no one gets down here."
Match 4 - Nexettes v Gail Kim, Evelisse Velez & Taeler Hendrix:
- Gail starts off against Kaitlyn and gets the better of her, taking her down and outwrestling her at every step. Kailtyn tags Naomi in and Gail holds her own against the athletic powerhouse, but is starting to tire. She hits Naomi with a big knee lift that sends her staggering, which is when AJ and Kaitlyn get into the ring to back Naomi up. This brings Evelisse and Taeler in too, all six women staring each other down. Gail issues the order to attack, but they don't move. AJ smiles sweetly, and Gail's face falls. She knows she's been set up. Taeler and Ivelisse attack Gail, beating her down and then hold her up by the arms so Naomi can hit the Knightmare neckbreaker for the win.
- Nexettes win.
The Nexettes gather around the fallen leader of the IFW divas, AJ tells Naomi and Kaitlyn to get the steel steps so they can take Gail out with their signature knee crusher. Suddenly Layla and the Bella Twins sprint down the ramp and knock Aksana to the ground, then lay Naomi and Kaitlyn out by bonking their heads on the steps. They roll into the ring to make the save, and the remaining Nexettes bail. Layla shouts back at AJ, but they're already deep into the audience.
Backstage, Jeremy Borash is set for his second interview of the night.
JB: "Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time is CM Punk. Mr Punk, you were very outspoken tonight about the debuting John Cena's intention to win the IFW championship. Is this related to your long standing rivalry with Cena, or are you completely focused on the championship?"
Punk: "Outspoken? Why is it always outspoken? Why am I always being called outspoken or controversial or opinionated? I'm none of those things, JB. I just tell the truth, whether you, John Cena and Vince McMahon like to hear it or not. No, this is nothing to do with my history with Cena. I'll make it clear, I hate John Cena and I don't want him in my IFW, but if he's going to be here the least he could do is show a little common courtesy and respect the natural order of things around here. I am the rightful contender for the title and if anyone thinks they can jump ahead of me they're wrong, even if their name is John Cena."
JB: "Have you been told by Vince McMahon or new general manager Ric Flair that you're in line for title shot?"
Punk: "What do you think JB? Of course I haven't. Because the people who run this place are completely incompetent. If they weren't, we wouldn't be talking about John Cena right now. The man was past his prime in 2006, what he's doing here tonight is beyond me. No, I'm next in line just because I am. I beat Kurt Angle, something only two other men can claim to have done, and neither of them are here right now. I am the contender because I am the best, and I am the best because I win. When Cena beats me he can be the best, but until then no one gets a shot until I do. Tweet that."
Punk leaves.
Back to the arena for the last time tonight as it's time for our main event! Randy Orton is first out and looks to be focused and ready for the challenge. He reaches the ring and poses on the turnbuckles. Kurt Angle rises up through the stage with the US flag draped over his shoulders. He hold it out and pyro shoots up, the lights raise to show Angle with the IFW title belt around his waist, just as ready for this match as Orton is. When Angle reaches the ring the two warriors face off, not trash talking out of respect for each other and the championship.
Match 5 - Kurt Angle v Randy Orton:
IFW championship
- The men lock up and roll around the ropes jockeying for position. Angle takes the advantage and wrestles Orton to the mat, holding him there and schooling him. They go back and forth with simple moves to start, but things quickly escalate. Orton counters a German suplex into his backbreaker for a two count. Orton stalks Angle, but the wily veteran hits the drop toe hold into the ankle lock. Orton struggles to reach the ropes, but Angle drags him back to the middle. Orton rolls under, flipping Angle into the turnbuckles. Orton whips Angle to the ropes, Angle reverses, Orton ducks a clothesline and hits Angle with the snap powerslam, then hammers the canvas setting up the RKO. Angle pushes to his feet and turns, but turns the RKO into a German suplex, then a second and a third. The straps come down and Angle picks the left foot, but Orton kicks him away into the corner. Orton backs up to charge Angle, who steps forward and flips Orton over with a quick belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Both men are down when the lights cut out.
JR: "What the hell?"
Taz: "What's going on here?"
JR: "I don't...I don't know! Someone get the damn lights!"
When the lights come back up, Angle and Orton are on their feet but are surrounded by three men in black bulletproof vests. Angle charges the big man and is knocked down.
- Kurt Angle wins by disqualification to retain the IFW championship.
Orton trades right hands with another one of the men, but the third jumps in and soon Orton is down too. Both men are stomped into the canvas.
JR: "No! I know these men! That's Dean Ambrose! And...Roman Reigns!"
Taz: "You do?"
JR: "And Seth Rollins! Damnit! Someone get out here to stop these men!"
Rollins and Ambrose pick Orton up and put him on Reigns' shoulders, then the three men deliver a triple powerbomb. Then they repeat the process with Kurt Angle. Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns stand tall over the fallen champion and challenger as the show goes off the air.